I Work at the Shell Station

This was suppose to be a temporary job.

I figure that's what everyone says when they start working in fast food because saying "it's temporary" makes it easier to cope with. Not that working in fast food is a bad thing, I just think that, depending on the circumstances, it can have a negative connotation.

When I finally broke down and accepted the job at Shell, I decided that there are opportunities to learn in a setting such as this. I was not sure what to expect, but I assumed that learning how to prep and prepare food for people would not be the only knowledge I took from this job. Nader Fakhoury is the father of a couple of my friends from school, a man who I went to church with, and he and his wife own the Shell station in Philomath. He is one of the nicest men I know. When he overheard me telling my friend Sarah that I was in desperate need of a different job, he quickly made his offer. I obviously couldn't refuse since I didn't have any other option. He had asked me to work for him on a few different occasions previously, and I then politely told him that I wasn't interested, but I'd keep it in mind. I never thought I would end up working there because I never thought I'd be close enough to Philomath. Apparently, when you're 14 years old you DON'T have all the details of life worked out. I was very certain that my life was going to pan out in an orderly fashion. I had a plan.

The Infamous Plan
1. High School
2. College
3. Find a love-age 20
4. Get married-age 23
5. Have babies-age 25
6. Happily ever after
7. So on and so forth

I never actually put much store in "The Plan", but at age 14, it was nice to think that I had something to look forward to. I had always grown up with a positive outlook on life, and having a solid plan to follow made growing up a little less scary. But now, I'm 20 years old and after chasing after ridiculous aspirations for 2 years(I'm going into fashion design, I could work in the medical field, I'm REALLY interesting in science..no really--I am, I'm going to travel Europe, etc). I'm finally starting to accept a simple fact--It's okay that I don't have everything figured out. I've been telling myself this for months without actually accepting it. I tell people all the time, "I'm young, I'm just finding myself, I'm going wherever the wind blows me, the world is my oyster, etc." Obviously, to an extent, these are all true facts: I am young, single, curious, flexible, and I make friends quickly. I could easily take myself anywhere.

But right now, I make tacos.

I have this annoying habit where I consider how other people see my life and all the assumptions that can be made. It goes a little something like this:

The Story of Emily Smith:
She grew up in Philomath, Oregon and went to the University of Idaho (and who on earth knows why) straight out of high school. After one term, she moved back to Corvallis into an apartment with two girls from craigslist. She got a job working at The Bark Place and began taking classes at Linn-Benton Community College. After Spring term, she was layed off from The Bark Place and started working at Shell in Philomath on the Taco Time/Blimpie side of the store. She started at Oregon State University for the Fall term and about halfway through the term realized she was failing all of her classes and would not be able to bring them up. She withdrew from her classes and moved back in with her parents. She still works at Shell.

Although all of these things are true, there are obviously many more factors and components of my life. On the surface, I'm a 20 year old college drop out who works at Taco Time. Awesome.

Yesterday, I was talking to one of my boss' sons as he made himself a sandwich. We were discussing what I'm going to do with my life. I told him that I didn't really know, but my immediate plan includes moving to a different place and probably going to community college. He quickly started rattling off all the reasons that this is a terrible idea. "Why would you move? You have everything here. You can live with your parents: free food, free rent, free internet, you can go to a great school: OSU, you can go to college without the stress of paying all your bills-" I cut him off in the middle of his rant. "I want to experience life," I told him with heated exasperation. "I enjoy learning new things about new places and I have no idea what I want to study. I have no idea what I want to do with my life! I want to see different places and be with new people. I want to see more than Corvallis." He gave me a skeptical look and I ignored it. "I'm 20 years old. Why shouldn't I do something different?" I couldn't help but enjoy the slightly defeated look on his face as he smiled faintly and nodded his acceptance. He really couldn't argue with my point. I could tell he didn't agree, but I didn't care. It was important for me to try to explain this plan to him because saying it out loud and winning the argument somehow solidified how realistic my dream was, and how easy it would be for me to pick up and move. I got a little excited butterflies in my tummy at the prospect of moving when he asked me a hard question "This isn't some kind of 'finding yourself' thing, is it? Because I feel like you're the type of person who is secure in who they are and what they believe in." I tried not to grimace as I smiled, placating him, "Well, uh-. I mean, um-" I stammered and quickly glanced around the room, hoping something would get me out of answering this question. Ah ha, saved by the customer.