Today was my last day at Philomath Shell. Ever.
It came out of no where. My last day wasn't suppose to be until next week, but Dalal and I had been discussing how I was going to get my last paycheck because I'll be in Cincinnati. She said that if I don't work next week, I can get the whole thing before February 7th. I think I went into shock. I planned to prepare for my last day and I feel unreasonably connected to that place. So, when she told me that I would be done today, I didn't really know what to do with myself. Not only was it the slowest, most boring day in history, but I felt like all my regulars needed to come in all at the same time, so that I could tell them how much I enjoy seeing them.
The guy who orders two 12" Clubs on Zesty Parmesan:
He is probably in his 60's and would come in maybe once a week and order two sandwiches. He really didn't like me at first because I have such a disorganized personality. He has a British accent and I swear he said "please" after every word that came out of his mouth. He was extremely polite, but I could tell I irritated him a little. I have this problem where I load sandwiches with lettuce. It just seems like the right thing to do, but who in their right mind wants to eat a mouthful of tasteless lettuce when their trying to enjoy their sandwich? So, of course, he asks for light lettuce and I give him my idea of what "light lettuce" is. I looked at his face and could see his patience faltering as I turned his sandwich into a salad. I smiled, trying to recover, and asked what kind of sauce he wanted. "Mayonnaise and Honey Mustard, please". As our "Blimpie sandwich making" relationship continued, I would try to make everything perfectly because he is such an orderly man. He started to come around when I could remember what kind of bread he prefers. Soon, we were discussing random things (like how many times he's lost his keys in his whole life--which is twice, and how often I lose mine--which is at least once a day) and I could usually coax a few smiles out of him. My favorite moment was a few weeks ago when he asked me for lettuce. He leaned close to the glass with worried but firm look on his face and said, "and very, very light lettuce, please". I, of course, blush and giggle nervously, "Gosh, I can never get the lettuce right! I try every time!" He laughed and smiled at me, somehow accepting my ongoing struggle with the most popular vegetable on the line.
I will miss the random, but wonderful, interactions I had at Shell. I met so many different types of people in a perfectly ridiculous setting. I got to know my co-workers, my boss, and my customers in a place that is only meant to serve awkward small talk. I loved pushing conversation boundaries and the many personalities I unearthed during my evening shift.
I will not miss working with fast food, smelling like a bleach taco, or cleaning the meat slicer.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Guilty Pleasure
I smoked a cigarette yesterday.
I've actually smoked a few in the last couple of days. Technically, they are clove cigars, but it's the same concept (only probably worse for you).
I can understand how people get addicted to nicotine. I spent a lot of time last night thinking of why that is. First, and most obviously, it's designed to be addictive so you will continue to buy it. Second, it's a quick and easy way to relax. When I smoke, I can physically feel myself loosening. It's kind of an interesting rush. The nicotine nudges the pleasure receptors in my brain and it's a nice feeling. I know that I have felt a similar stimulation in other areas of my life. While there is nothing quite as instant as smoking, it's important to be aware of other aspects that tickle my receptors. For example, I get passionate about the human developmental process, learning how to live sustainably, starting a new sewing project, etc. I enjoy discussing (usually in some kind of outrage) the way society can ruin people. I could go on forever about the ridiculous ideas children receive from the media, and how most people do not understand how vulnerable their brains are.
This is why I love Grace. She is one of my best friends and she understands exactly where I'm coming from. She has studied child development for a few years now and we can sit and discuss behaviors that children learn at young ages and how it affects them for the rest of their lives. While Grace studies and spends time with infant-toddler age, I enjoy talking with middle or high school students. It wasn't long ago that I was in high school, but I work with a lot of people in that are between 15 and 17. They kind of fascinate me. Everyone has some kind of struggle that affects them. I like to talk to them about their lives, what's going on, things they enjoy doing, and how they function and cope.
I get more of a rush, than I feel when I smoke a cigarette, and I feel like my brain has been better stimulated when Grace and I discuss child development.
I find this to be a positive stimulation. We discuss different methods to help children grow and develop into full, well rounded, and self-aware adults who are able to take responsibility for their actions and continue to grow throughout their entire lives. These discussions will hopefully help Grace and I to explore our own career paths. We will choose futures that will satisfy our individual and specific passions.
Smoking cigarettes gives me a temporary buzz that is detrimental to my health, the health of others, and the environment. This is unfortunate because sometimes it takes a little more work to stimulate my brain in a beneficial way. It'd be easier to light a cigarette.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. That is exactly why you should fight and resist the things that are easy, but bad for you. It's so much easier to swing by Wendy's and pick up a Junior Cheeseburger, for a dollar, on my way home instead of making brown rice, grilling chicken and steaming some broccoli. The cheeseburger is going to satisfy me for just a few moments, mostly because it tastes good. Unfortunately, about halfway through my burger, I start feeling queasy and uncomfortable. The feeling becomes worse with each bite. Then, for the next hour, I will be silently regretting my impulsive and lazy decision to eat fast food. But, if I had gone home to make myself dinner, I would have been doing my body a favor, while enjoying my meal. Rice, chicken, and broccoli is a delicious combination of nutritious foods. It gives my body strength, keeps me full longer, and makes me feel better. The fast food will give me a temporary "buzz" but leave me feeling unsatisfied with the knowledge that my body hates me for a few hours.
Cigarettes can fill holes in your life, but just at first. They tickle your pleasure receptors and you feel better. Eventually (some people faster than others), you'll be addicted to the nicotine and you wont feel the initial rush and pleasure you once received from a cigarette. You will continue to smoke because you are physically addicted and nothing else can fill that void you've created for yourself. Of course, you can receive happiness or pleasure in other areas of your life, but it's almost like you've created a whole new receptor that only the nicotine can satisfy.
No, I have not personally reached this point. I do not plan to.
I've actually smoked a few in the last couple of days. Technically, they are clove cigars, but it's the same concept (only probably worse for you).
I can understand how people get addicted to nicotine. I spent a lot of time last night thinking of why that is. First, and most obviously, it's designed to be addictive so you will continue to buy it. Second, it's a quick and easy way to relax. When I smoke, I can physically feel myself loosening. It's kind of an interesting rush. The nicotine nudges the pleasure receptors in my brain and it's a nice feeling. I know that I have felt a similar stimulation in other areas of my life. While there is nothing quite as instant as smoking, it's important to be aware of other aspects that tickle my receptors. For example, I get passionate about the human developmental process, learning how to live sustainably, starting a new sewing project, etc. I enjoy discussing (usually in some kind of outrage) the way society can ruin people. I could go on forever about the ridiculous ideas children receive from the media, and how most people do not understand how vulnerable their brains are.
This is why I love Grace. She is one of my best friends and she understands exactly where I'm coming from. She has studied child development for a few years now and we can sit and discuss behaviors that children learn at young ages and how it affects them for the rest of their lives. While Grace studies and spends time with infant-toddler age, I enjoy talking with middle or high school students. It wasn't long ago that I was in high school, but I work with a lot of people in that are between 15 and 17. They kind of fascinate me. Everyone has some kind of struggle that affects them. I like to talk to them about their lives, what's going on, things they enjoy doing, and how they function and cope.
I get more of a rush, than I feel when I smoke a cigarette, and I feel like my brain has been better stimulated when Grace and I discuss child development.
I find this to be a positive stimulation. We discuss different methods to help children grow and develop into full, well rounded, and self-aware adults who are able to take responsibility for their actions and continue to grow throughout their entire lives. These discussions will hopefully help Grace and I to explore our own career paths. We will choose futures that will satisfy our individual and specific passions.
Smoking cigarettes gives me a temporary buzz that is detrimental to my health, the health of others, and the environment. This is unfortunate because sometimes it takes a little more work to stimulate my brain in a beneficial way. It'd be easier to light a cigarette.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. That is exactly why you should fight and resist the things that are easy, but bad for you. It's so much easier to swing by Wendy's and pick up a Junior Cheeseburger, for a dollar, on my way home instead of making brown rice, grilling chicken and steaming some broccoli. The cheeseburger is going to satisfy me for just a few moments, mostly because it tastes good. Unfortunately, about halfway through my burger, I start feeling queasy and uncomfortable. The feeling becomes worse with each bite. Then, for the next hour, I will be silently regretting my impulsive and lazy decision to eat fast food. But, if I had gone home to make myself dinner, I would have been doing my body a favor, while enjoying my meal. Rice, chicken, and broccoli is a delicious combination of nutritious foods. It gives my body strength, keeps me full longer, and makes me feel better. The fast food will give me a temporary "buzz" but leave me feeling unsatisfied with the knowledge that my body hates me for a few hours.
Cigarettes can fill holes in your life, but just at first. They tickle your pleasure receptors and you feel better. Eventually (some people faster than others), you'll be addicted to the nicotine and you wont feel the initial rush and pleasure you once received from a cigarette. You will continue to smoke because you are physically addicted and nothing else can fill that void you've created for yourself. Of course, you can receive happiness or pleasure in other areas of your life, but it's almost like you've created a whole new receptor that only the nicotine can satisfy.
No, I have not personally reached this point. I do not plan to.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Plane ticket
I'm flying to Cincinnati.
No, it's not a connecting flight.
And no, it's not a vacation. I'm moving to Cincinnati.
I was under the impression that when you buy a plane ticket to go somewhere, your mind has been made up. Generally there is a specific date and time of departure. I, personally, wouldn't buy a ticket if I didn't want to go. Regardless of this fact, many people have tried to convince me not to move to Cincinnati.
Best Reactions (in no particular order)
1. What the hell is wrong with you?
2. You know Cincinnati is in Ohio, right?
3. Cincinnati is the shit hole of the United States.
4. Where are you at in your menstrual cycle? (my mother, of course)
This is why I bought my plane ticket BEFORE I told anyone. I'm not going to Cincinnati for the temperature (which is extremely cold), school, or any particular reason. I'm going to go, get a job, maybe go to school, and just live there for a while. I'm going to experience a new place in a different setting without the comforts of home to hang onto. I'm going to learn more about myself and stretch my brain.
"But Emily, it's Cincinnati. You could go anywhere and you're going to CINCINNATI."
An excellent point is brought up in all speculation regarding my move to Cincinnati. I could go anywhere. I could go anywhere in the WORLD as long as I have enough cash to get there. So, I chose Cincinnati.
"Why though? Why there?"
Better question: Why do I need a reason? Essentially, "Why not?", but I think it's annoying when people say that, so I've been trying to refrain. I am quite stubborn and if I don't have a solid reason for my choices, I will definitely make one up. I'm working on coming up with tangible explanations because I get asked so frequently. It is a understandable question to have, and probably something I should know the answer to. Why am I going to Cincinnati? My favorite reason so far is saying I'm on an adventure. I love to think of it that way. I'm in "adventure mode" right now, so my life is just a bundle of experiences. Cincinnati will be one of them.
"So wait, why are you going?"
No, it's not a connecting flight.
And no, it's not a vacation. I'm moving to Cincinnati.
I was under the impression that when you buy a plane ticket to go somewhere, your mind has been made up. Generally there is a specific date and time of departure. I, personally, wouldn't buy a ticket if I didn't want to go. Regardless of this fact, many people have tried to convince me not to move to Cincinnati.
Best Reactions (in no particular order)
1. What the hell is wrong with you?
2. You know Cincinnati is in Ohio, right?
3. Cincinnati is the shit hole of the United States.
4. Where are you at in your menstrual cycle? (my mother, of course)
This is why I bought my plane ticket BEFORE I told anyone. I'm not going to Cincinnati for the temperature (which is extremely cold), school, or any particular reason. I'm going to go, get a job, maybe go to school, and just live there for a while. I'm going to experience a new place in a different setting without the comforts of home to hang onto. I'm going to learn more about myself and stretch my brain.
"But Emily, it's Cincinnati. You could go anywhere and you're going to CINCINNATI."
An excellent point is brought up in all speculation regarding my move to Cincinnati. I could go anywhere. I could go anywhere in the WORLD as long as I have enough cash to get there. So, I chose Cincinnati.
"Why though? Why there?"
Better question: Why do I need a reason? Essentially, "Why not?", but I think it's annoying when people say that, so I've been trying to refrain. I am quite stubborn and if I don't have a solid reason for my choices, I will definitely make one up. I'm working on coming up with tangible explanations because I get asked so frequently. It is a understandable question to have, and probably something I should know the answer to. Why am I going to Cincinnati? My favorite reason so far is saying I'm on an adventure. I love to think of it that way. I'm in "adventure mode" right now, so my life is just a bundle of experiences. Cincinnati will be one of them.
"So wait, why are you going?"
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